Hurt and trauma as seen by a 6-year-old child

July 28, 2019


Nothing in life ever comes easy
Sometimes, not even life itself
Conception may happen as an act of love
But that ephemeral four-letter word
Can be as fleeting as a scared bird
That can't look you in the eyes for long
Can't hold you to make you feel 

that you belong
Might make you constantly feel 

that you did something wrong
And may sound like a distant, unfamiliar song

So, once the connection in the womb is severed,
And we are faced with complete helplessness,
We hope that our cries are met with love
But what happens when all that is nurtured
Is a gigantic whole in your core?

Life, people and love come in many forms
But a life that starts with death
should be taken as a warning
That innocence should be dropped
And that the loss of your childhood
will eventually be your mourning

Lonely evenings in a fully lit up home
Frightened nights with only grandma on the phone
A self-help book on the night stand to train you not to feel
And to make you believe that your fears are not real

Ghosts hiding behind every door
When last night you faced them and said, "no more!"
But how to handle so much when you're barely seven?
Maybe I'd be better off if I were still in heaven.

Will she take long this time? Should I call and ask?
Go ahead, baby, tell her how you feel.
"Mommy, I wish you would be home with me at nights."
"So, must I be unhappy just to be by your side?"

But because life is stubborn and pervasive
Even on the most arid soil
With some water every now and then
And occasional sunlight
Nature still grows, and survives
And one may get farther
than could have ever been imagined in hindsight

But surviving isn't enough
Healing is imperative
If a cycle of intergenerational trauma
Is to be put to rest
You must find another meaning
To your own life's narrative

And once you are healed
Maybe the pain and trauma can be transformed
From an unfair, unjust, inexplicable series of hurtful events
Into an unexpected training
That becomes the meaningful foundation
That will enable you to work to heal others and prevent

Then you may be able to carry yourself differently
Loving connections can be formed
Trust issues may be resolved
You may still have some walls up
But vulnerability might seem less challenging

However, no matter how shiny, bright and strong you seem on the outside
There will always be a whole other world to you
That will never be met
By the inattentive observer's eyes


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